When I was pregnant with my first child, I didn’t really give the actual experience of birth enough thought. Sure, I took the courses, I talked about wanting a natural birth, and I was lucky enough to have amazing midwives. When it came down to it though, I avoided really thinking about what giving birth would actually be like – I was scared, so I avoided reality.
Needless to say, my birth didn’t go as planned. I was induced at 40 weeks +3 days due to polyhydramnios, a condition that causes too much amniotic fluid to build up around the baby. My son’s head was still quite high in my pelvis, and he was posterior - facing the wrong way - so I started the long process of labour with back labour. I opted for the epidural only an hour after arriving at the hospital due to fear and the relentless back pain. After 22 hours of no progression and intense pain in my pelvis and hips, I had a c-section. The OB who performed my section told me that my pelvis was too small for me to have had a vaginal birth, so the section was “inevitable anyways.” I was immediately in Love with my son, but the recovery was longer than I expected, and my first weeks of motherhood were not the rosy glow of happiness that I had envisioned. The hospital stay was long, sleep deprivation was overwhelming, breastfeeding was difficult, and all movement hurt.
After watching my first birth experience go downhill, birth and everything surrounding it became fascinating to me – it was a world in which I wanted to be more involved. For the birth of my second child I knew things had to be different. Before getting pregnant, my husband and I took the VBAC class through Babies Naturally, and I asked Carol to be my labour support when I did get pregnant. I read books upon books about VBAC and natural birth, immersed myself in videos and blogs, and surrounded myself with likeminded people. When the happy day arrived and I saw that pink plus sign on the pregnancy test, I was determined that I would not have another c-section without giving a vaginal birth my best shot.
38, 39 and 40 Weeks came and went, and my midwives were beginning to talk about induction – an intervention I wanted to avoid at all costs, as I knew it would trigger fear and doubt. At 40 weeks they felt my stomach they told me that baby was still floating high in my pelvis, and that birth was probably still a ways off. I was getting discouraged, and doubt was beginning to creep in - Maybe I wasn’t capable of going into labour on my own, maybe my pelvis really was just too small to do this, maybe I should just give in and have the section, what was the point?
Thank God for Carol. I sent her multiple text messages a day expressing my doubts and fears, and she always came back to be with reassurance and positivity. She gave me exercises to try and helped me to remain focused on my goal. At 40 weeks and 3 days, exactly the same time I was induced with my first, I woke up at 2:30am with contractions. I wasn’t sure what I was feeling at first, as I hadn’t gone into labour on my own with my son and had never felt a normal contraction. They came about every 15 minutes and after about 45 minutes I decided to get up and go downstairs because lying down hurt too much, and my adrenalin was pumping from the excitement. At 4am I texted Carol to let her know that the contractions were coming about every 5-8 minutes and that they were gaining in intensity. By 5 I could no longer stay quiet through them and called Carol to have her come over. She arrived and immediately I felt calmer – I had someone with me who had experienced this before and knew how to walk me through each contraction. We left for the hospital around 7am because the contractions were less than 5 minutes apart and I was feeling a lot of pressure. The car ride sucked – wow did it suck! But we made it and were able to skip triage and go right into a room.
My midwife checked me and I was only 3cm – so discouraging. Even after all of my reading, my training, and my planning, the pain was intense and I wanted to escape it. I asked for the epidural immediately but Carol, my midwives, and my husband convinced me to get into the tub for a while to labour there. The warm water and the jets were helpful, and my husband had the showerhead spraying hot water on my back. I laboured there for about an hour and a half before I started pushing, and really asking for the epidural. My contractions were double peaking, which means that baby was in a bad position, and it was getting more difficult to cope.
Because I was starting to push involuntarily, we decided I should get out of the tub and see how far along I was. I asked for the epidural one last time and it was ordered. I tried the gas while I waited for the epidural, because I wasn’t comfortable enough to let my midwife check me. As the epidural was being placed I began pushing again and we discovered that I was 10cm and ready to deliver. My son was still quite high in my pelvis unfortunately. He had turned posterior and was showing signs of stress. We had an OB come in to help and to monitor my son’s heart rate. The type of epidural I had allowed me to have some use of my legs, so I was able to get into different positions to allow gravity move my son down. He was a compound presentation, meaning his hand was up beside his face so pushing was extremely hard work. I was scared, in pain, and exhausted, but the people I surrounded myself with were my anchors and with their help I was able to push myself to keep going.
After 2.5 difficult hours of pushing, an episiotomy, and many ups and downs, my son Simon came tumbling out and was immediately placed on my chest. The feeling was indescribable. All of the pain, fear and exhaustion were gone. The intense rush of emotion that overcame me as I held my son, so fresh and new against my chest, was overpowering and unlike anything I’d ever experienced. Through the pain, the fear, and the doubt, I discovered a power within myself I didn’t know existed. That feeling alone made the VBAC worthwhile. I was finally able to have the birth experience I had wished for – a vaginal birth with immediate skin to skin contact, delayed cord clamping, and breast feeding right after birth. While I have come to terms with my section with my first son, and look back at his birth fondly now, I am so thankful that I was able to have my VBAC and experience the birth I had always wanted.