In the time between New Year's and the start of back to school, it can be so difficult to imagine the return to routine! My own children used to get so anxious every year after the holiday break and would actually cry at our bedroom door stating that they wanted to stay home.
It is so normal to feel this anxiety. So normal. Our nervous systems struggle to amp back up when we have had some down time. When attachment tanks are filled up for our tiny humans, it can be really difficult to figure out how things will look and feel in the disruption of being with us. Go lightly.
Start talking about how you can work together as a team to get ready for back to school. Start getting up a little earlier each day as you approach Monday and ask your children how you can work together to do things to make the transition easier. Maybe they can help with lunches the night before. Maybe they can lie their clothes out the night before and also get boots, hats, coats, mitts and backpacks all ready so there can be a gentler wake up each morning and less stress with meeting timelines. Collaboration and connection really makes children feel like they are invited to exist within our presence and can go a long way in filling up their attachment tanks.
Missing you when they are back at school is something that needs to be discussed. A remedy for this is to have them "take a piece of you" with them when they are gone. The "kissing hand" where you each draw a heart on your hand and kiss it when you miss each other, matching bracelets that you make together and the planning of re connection when they come home are all helpful things to discuss and implement in the busy days ahead.
Anxiety can be lessened by rhythms and routines as well as ritual. Rituals can be "pressure valves" where each night, at bedtime, you review the day with your child and then go over what will happen the next day. You can do two stories, two songs and a hug- find what works for you and your children and institute these rituals- they do have a positive affect regulation on the nervous system of your child and you.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with talking to your children about how you want things to be different on a day to day basis with the time deadlines you have encountered in the past. Let them know that "we are all on the same team, and what we were doing before wasn't working because I was feeling grumpy and angry and I felt that I yelled a lot. I want things to feel differently for all of us, because my behaviour wasn't acceptable when I yelled and I think it is stressful for everyone. How do you think we can work together as a team to make getting out of the house easier and help each other to make evenings and bedtimes better?" Asking your children for their input really does promote deeper connection. Unpacking helpful expectations, setting boundaries and sportscasting the timelines calmly will really mitigate increasing anxiety and stress.
We must implement pressure valves for ourselves too, parents. If you need to have the same collaboration and connection discussion with your spouse, do it! If you need to figure out better ways to have supper on the table, take the time. Everyone can become more involved. One of the great disservices we do to ourselves and our children is to underestimate each other's capabilities when it comes to getting dinner on the table and cleaned up afterwards. Do it. Work as a team. Lower your expectations and unpack helpful ones. Drop the idea of perfection because it doesn't exist. Know what you child is capable of developmentally and be the firm, unwavering, clear, kind leader they need. Everyone will benefit.
Feel free to email me through this blog if you have any questions, inquiries about both parent coaching and relationship coaching and check out our Facebook page for more content. Happy New Year! With love, Carol xo