Oh tiny human how I worry for you in this great big world.
I worry that your tininess will leave you vulnerable to all that is bad. I worry that my newness as the human that gave birth to you will be too tiny too.
I struggle with the responsibility of keeping you alive because I really don't know what I am doing.
I worry about you growing up in this world and as you grow and get bigger my role in your life will become smaller....and we just met!
I feel that this tiredness (oh this tiredness...it is in my very bones!) won't let me be as big as I want to be in your world. I fear that this tiredness will blur my mind, make me forget and I will miss out with you.
The bigness of every day overwhelms me. There is so much to do for such a tiny human.
Your tininess requires so much of me. I love it, I do. I too feel tiny in the vastness of this parenthood.
Parenthood is so.very.big. So unknown. Such a responsibility. I don't want to keep your thoughts, your feelings, your needs small. I want your fierceness, your needs, your cries to be big. I want to feel comfortable knowing that I won't always feel tiny in my response to your needs. I want to grow into this new space I am occupying as the one who birthed you.
Right now I will celebrate your tininess as you sleep in my arms. Your eyelashes lie against your cheeks and your body is heavy. It is in these moments I feel like I can take up all the space I need to protect you. I have met your needs and you are safe in the comfort of my arms, the warmth of my body and my enormous love for you. In this big world I want to be the soft place you land and the firm foundation from which you launch yourself, taking up all the space you need to as you go. It won't be easy, tiny human. We have much to learn from each other and in these moments of peace I am grateful for the vastness of the world and the tiny little part of that our family inhabits. I will let the big, hot tears of my love for you cleanse the fear in my heart and soul. For right now, this moment is all that matters.