We know with the latest research of the brain that children truly are fully emotional tiny humans. Dealing with their emotions day in and day out is exhausting. No one tells us that! Most families are concerned with "behaviours" in their children and once they understand what their tiny humans are truly capable of, the focus shifts to the child's emotions.
As adults, with a developed prefrontal cortex, we can rationalize behaviour. Hopefully we have learned to neuromodulate when stuck in our emotions and we can recognize that certain behaviours of our child can trigger us. For some parents, deconstructing the triggers is the hardest part of learning to understand our child's and our own emotions.
Here's the thing: when we are triggered, we no longer have a relationship with our child. We shut down in freeze mode and the relationship is fully with the trigger. If we get stuck in the dysregulated freeze cycle, we cannot address our child's behaviour in a healthy way and we move towards punishment.
By understanding our triggers, we can regulate our nervous system and have our brain "go back on line" and provide our child with guidance and trust instead of punishment and discipline. We can help our child feel capable of doing better when we are regulated. This work is exhausting yet so important. Everything comes back to emotions, to feelings, to connection. We need to get in touch with our own emotions to not only heal, but to have a healthy relationship with our children and in many cases, stop the perpetuation of generational practices and trauma. You and your family are worth it.