Out On The Other Side Of A Calm Mum class

I taught Calm Mum yesterday and as usual, I am exhausted today. I love Calm Mum, I love the science of being calm, the way the central nervous system works, the science of epigenetics and the energy of the women that come to my class. 

The class itself always amazes me. The energetic fit of each class astounds me. Yesterday every single woman in the class was an educator. From kindergarten to university level. These women are also mothers themselves and they spend every moment of their working days with other people's children. Holy shit that is hard. And amazing. 

The women that come to Calm Mum want to change things. They want to learn. About themselves, about their children, about their partners, about relationships. They want to facilitate calm at home. They want calm in their bodies, in their hearts. 

We talk a lot about the pursuit of perfection in the class. About what it is, why we strive for it, why we introduce ourselves as perfectionists. We cry. We deconstruct the labels, the stories, the judgments attached to us. By others. By ourselves. We look at how we describe and treat ourselves and how that affects the family we have. How the cog in the wheel is left to turn when we are hard on ourselves. 

We tell stories. We script out scenarios. We cry. We have light bulb moments. We ask the same question, in different ways, until we, as adult learners, understand. We hold space. For ourselves, for each other. 

We knock down the walls of isolation we feel. We talk about death. We investigate how birth impacts and affects us. We learn about human development and the capacity of the brain. The wirings and firings of the brain. Neural pathways. Trauma. Being trauma informed. 

We push around the beliefs we have about this human experience of mothering. We throw out outdated notions, beliefs, authoritarian musings and replace them with authoritative methods. Methods based on what would work for each family. 

We look at each other at the end of class, notes written, workbooks ready to go home and remember that the introduction at the beginning of the class told us we wouldn't remember half of what we talked about and we may be exhausted for two to three days. Because this is emotional work. This is forgiving work. This is important work. Because emotions are everything. In a world very uncomfortable with emotionality, Calm Mum cuts to the heart of it. Safely. With love. We open ourselves up, lay our hearts on the floor and with each new revelation we piece ourselves back together. With understanding, with love, with forgiveness and with hope. 

So my full heart, laden with the experiences of other women and families will keep me weighted in reality. I will carry their stories and offer them support in follow up with the class. With love and gratitude. xoxo

Raising A Secure Child

We know through all of the research and science in the last 10 years, that secure children are:

Healthier
More confident in their explorations of the world
Better able to deal with challenging circumstances
More independent and persistent problem solvers
More willing to ask for help
More willing to seek comfort when frustrated
Require less guidance and discipline
Less likely to be bullied
Less likely to bully

Securely attached children, all of the research shows;
Have a better sense of themselves
Better memories
More positive feelings about friendship
A more developed sense of morality

We know a secure relationship is the most effective foundation for parenting- there is less stress and conflict. It is never too late to repair the relationship with our children and this program will guide you through, step by step.

The Raising A Secure Child program is a mixed delivery program that is 6 months long. It will include emails to your inbox every day, videos to help you understand the concepts of developmental psychology necessary in raising a secure child and weekly lessons with concrete learning exercises to help you put theory into practice. 

The program will also include an in person class in May where we will spend 4 hours putting together key segments of the learning program to explore ways to deepen the secure attachment with your child- no matter their age.

The program is appropriate for parents with children of all ages and will be a 2-3 hour investment a week on your part. Through a secret Facebook group we will have live Facebook interactive videos for you to participate in and ask questions. These videos will run once a week in addition to the daily inbox education that you receive. 

You will also receive a curriculum to compile by printing out on your own the lessons. There will be lessons to do with your family to use as "Secure Guideposts" in your parenting journey. 

The program will cover:

Serve and Return

How our parenting lens determines our child's attachment with us

Our lived experience as a child and how that shaped our attachment style

The best way to appeal to your child's brain

Boundaries

How to deactivate our triggers

Responsive nervous system regulation vs. reactive nervous system regulation

Rupturing and healing the relationship

Giving yourself what you never got

How to improve communication with your child (which will benefit all of your relationships!)

Anxiety in children and how to help with it

Defiance, opposition and not listening- and what they mean

When you feel like a referee

Tantrums and decoding them AND MUCH MORE! 

Each family will also receive Skype coaching one on one once a month for the duration of the program. 

The cost of the program is $350 for the six months- a fraction of the price of our regular coaching programs. 

Some insurance companies may provide renumeration for the program- check with your provider. 

Space is limited in the program. 

To register or if you have any questions, email Carol at kilty67@sympatico.ca 

2016 Parent Education and Coaching Annual Sale Packages!

It is that time of year again when we deeply discount our Parent Education and Coaching Packages! This offer will run for a limited time and when our practice book is full, it will be sold out! We have three great offers this year and you also get a FREE PARENTING CLASS of your choice!

You can choose Calm Mum, Parenting On The Same Page or Parenting in Peace with the purchase of any of our three packages.

Each package comes with 2 in home visits a month (if you are in the London Ont area) and the other 2-3 per month via skype and or telephone. Here are this year's packages:

Package One: 12 Coaching consults via home (6) (3 months coaching!) and the other six by Skype or telephone. $450

Package Two: 26 Coaching consults via home, Skype or telephone (six months+ coaching!) $650

Package Three: Our most popular package is back! 52 Coaching consults (one a week plus follow up email and phone support) via in home for 26 and the other 26 via skype and telephone for $1000. 4 of these packages will be available in total before they are sold out!

To purchase any of these packages email Carol@kilty67@sympatico.ca or if you have any questions at all do not hesitate to reach out!

$650

To All the Mamas of littles, from a Mama of three Bigs

I have been really busy with parent education and coaching this week.  I don't know if it was the fall out from the exhaustion everyone is feeling from last week, the "super moon" or we are still trying to adjust to daylight savings time, but the thing I have heard the most this week is this:

"Please tell me this will get better."

And I have told over 20 families this week- "I promise it will."

I hear your exhaustion. I hear your frustration. I hear you say that you don't know what you are doing. I understand that some days feel mind numbing.

I hear you as you tell me through tears that you really wanted to spank your child when he threw his sippy cup at his three month old sister and hit her square on the head. I hear you as you don't tell me that you feel more angst over your own guilt about wanting to spank him than the lump on your baby's head.

I hear you when you say you are too afraid to ask for help from your family because you were always the one that held it together. I hear you as you don't tell me that you think asking for help is a sign of weakness in your opinion.

I hear you as you tell me that your day was "really good and the baby actually napped for two hours and I started to get really nervous because I wondered if she was still breathing because she never naps that long..."

I hear you as you don't tell me that you are dress rehearsing tragedy because things were just a little too good today and you can't believe that you are actually doing so well with this mothering.

I hear you as you tell me that your Mom thinks that you should "give the baby a bottle for god's sake and get out of the house for a while and that she doesn't understand that you can't seem to pump" and you feel like it's just so much work to leave without the baby.

I hear you when you tell me that your partner  still looks a little too "refreshed" on the return home from work. All you want is a shower but the baby just couldn't be put down today. For the third day in a row.

I hear you when you ask me "why the hell did no one tell me that this is so fucking hard? Why did I not know about how I would feel after having the baby?" and I hear you when you don't say that you feel isolated and that you must be the only one that feels this way which makes you even harder on yourself. I hear you when you tell me that no one says "thanks" for anything and that you feel like this is the most thankless thing you have ever done. Please wait, lovely.

We all feel this way. We all struggle. So much. We all need the village. The village that doesn't exist. We all wish we could ask for help without feeling like we are failing just because we want that help. We all wish we had people we could call on for help. Help without judgement. Help that would nurture us, love us, and tell us "yeah, this is so hard. This is overwhelming. This will get better."

Because it will get better. Tiny humans will wipe their own bums. By the time your youngest is three you will get sleep (I know, that sounds hellish- it is such a long time, hang on...) you will get regular showers (I didn't say daily- sometimes it takes us a while to get back into a groove) and you will feel that you can sit down and drink a HOT beverage.

In the meantime, however, how do we survive? We survive by kissing the faces of our tiny humans a hundred times a day. We take a big breath when they fall asleep and we can sneak out of the room without waking them. We celebrate the tiny little victories (you fed and didn't get barfed on, you ate breakfast before lunch time, you got to poop without a hand sliding under the closed door, you dried your hair with an actual hair dryer) and then you schedule in time for yourself every.single.day.

Self care is a buzzword for Mamas. I like to think of it as taking care of ourselves too. We are the cog in the machine of our families and we need to be cared for  in order to keep things running. Yes, there are days when the cog will need to be changed out, to be replaced and to just stop for a bit, but daily maintenance will make the cog's job so much easier. The well analogy is also popular and a great metaphor- you can't give from a dry well.

A busy Mom of three boys told me the other day that she gets breakfast once her kids are set up for the day. I told her to sit with her boys and eat breakfast with them. She paused, exhaled and looked at me. I asked her if she ever considered "second breakfast?" and she replied no. Second breakfast is what we give ourselves when the kids are out the door to school, are watching Paw Patrol quietly or is what we can do as we sit at our work stations before the day starts. First breakfast with the kids means you are sitting with your children, showing them that your needs have to be met too. Eating with them is, in their eyes, a way to connect with them. Second breakfast is just for you, in peace, a beautiful pressure valve to let off steam or just not think.

It will get so much better. In a way. Tiny humans become more self sufficient. Bedtime routines become so much more streamlined. School comes along and a whole new series of transitions and changes happen. Time takes on a new meaning and expectations change. We grow, we question, we need support in different forms. We start to find out how we want to be in the world based on what comes up for us in our parenting journey. We falter. We rupture the relationships with our kids. We do the repair. We hold our breath as they wait to hear about their post secondary acceptance (honestly it felt like they were entering kindergarten and then were off to university) and we are taken back to the bullying they suffered in grade 5. Exclusion by peers, adult "cliques" on sports teams and toxic environments are navigated by both ourselves and our children. We learn that how we model our struggles in life is being ever so closely watched by our children. And we check in with ourselves. Our self awareness in our every day interactions becomes more important than ever.

We laugh at inappropriate jokes with our children as they age. We have a glass of wine with our daughter as she comes home for the weekend. We visit their place of work to steal a hug. We snuggle our adult children as they cry over broken relationships. And they buoy us. We kissed their little faces a hundred times a day and now we stand back, their faces in our hands, tears streaming down our own faces and we marvel at the way they love us. We check in every day to see how the next job pursuit is going, how the new graduate program is working out and what is going on with their roommates. We plan suppers together, we make dates to go see our favourite authors together, we loan out our vehicles to hopefully make their lives a little bit easier and our love for them grows even bigger. Every day. We check in with each other via text to say "I heard from her and she thinks the interview went well" to the reply of "excellent- he's coming to stay tonight after the hockey game, so I'm really excited that we will have dinner with him tomorrow night, and look, this is the picture she sent me of her in her outfit of her first day of practicum."

Then, we'll sit back and look at the texts. With our reading glasses on, even with the enlarged font. And we'll remember how they really haven't changed that much since the 90's when they were born. And we will miss the chaos that was three kids in four years. And we won't. This easier aspect is beautiful. And it's hard. And it is coming your way. I promise. You too will sit down one day at the end of the week, dog curled up at your side, the house tidy and a glass of wine in your hand. You'll recount the happenings of the week, without being interrupted even once. You'll sip your wine, pull out your phone and go over the texts from your kids and laugh. And you'll remember. You won't spend all day Saturday doing load after load of laundry. You'll cook too much and have a freezer full of food because it takes time to adjust to cooking for just two. You'll feel anxious, and worried, because you can't go and open their bedroom door and once you've recovered from THAT smell that is adolescent bodies and angst see them peacefully sleeping. You won't wake up in the morning and count the shoes at the door, exhaling that they made it home safely.

You'll still wake at night, hoping they are okay. You'll wonder how much you damaged them/fucked them up/ because of your own trauma. You'll tell them you are sorry a million times and really really hope they understand that from the bottom of your heart you mean it. You'll ache as they pull away, you'll feel helpless because you can't take away their adult pain and you'll revel in the fact that they still want to come to you to talk about the hard stuff. And you will listen, heart wide open, and tell them that life is hard. Life is not fair. Life may seem at times that it is doing nothing but plotting our demise. Then, lovely the wait is over. "Thanks for listening and just hearing what I have to say" "I feel so much better" "You are right"  "I love you" comes across your telephone and you finally exhale. And you cry. This is better. This is still hard and these emotions are so big, dammit. But so good. It's coming for you, I promise. Feel these big emotions every day. Don't love every minute. Because you can't and you shouldn't.

Parents, You Deserve Self Compassion- Here's How To Foster It For Yourself

Self compassion steps in when self esteem no longer bolsters us. In the parenting arena, we often feel like we are not enough, we don't know what we are doing, we need to work harder, we are worried about screwing up our kids (breathe: we all will anyways) and we don't have the answers. To most things. On most days.

Can you see why our self worth suffers? Can you see why it is so hard to foster self-compassion? I maintain that anyone parenting in this social media age is dealing with the harshest environment that parents have ever had to deal with. Yes we are beyond privileged. Yes we don't have to worry about what a large part of other areas of the world have to worry about- yet the stress levels I see in my parent education practice belie the untold truths that we must be willing to share in order to support each other and foster self compassion.

Many parents today are a fallout from authoritarian parenting. In most authoritarian families of origin, emotional connection did not exist and acknowledging a child's pain or distress was often met with dismissive comments like "you're alright" or "I'll give you something to cry about" or the feeling that children should be seen and not heard. Here is the thing about pain as John Greene states- it demands to be felt. So do all of our emotions. If we grew up in an environment where emotions and feelings did not have room to grow, we internalize these emotions and actually embody them as traumatic. Our central (autonomic) nervous systems then become dysregulated and as many health care experts agree, this "stress" stored in the body affects us throughout the course of our lives. It will at some or many points, demand to be felt.

Many parents I meet with have a really hard time describing what they are feeling when they feel like they are in a constant state of stress. If we work on their relationships with their children they often come to realize that their expectations for their children are really high and unfortunately, completely unreasonable. Gently and with compassion, I explain to them that this is no fault of their own as we all become what is modeled for us. Most parents don't have a clear example of emotional connection to fall back on as society generally categorizes children by their behaviour. When we move from the behaviour to the underpinnings of it, we begin to realize that feelings and emotions are so so important and that through our children we can learn how to have self compassion.

In one of my online groups right now we focus primarily on boundaries or setting limits in our relationships. For many people, boundaries did not exist for them as a tiny human, so setting them for their own children can be very triggering and feel very authoritarian. We need boundaries for healthy attachment! The hierarchy of attachment can only be secure with boundaries and calm respect for each member of the family. In our group we script out what boundaries look like, practice them, and get in touch with what rises from an emotional standpoint. We start out using very simple language and watch how the response to the language is- and everyone is ecstatic with the results!

Setting boundaries means that we know we have limits. When we are exhausted, full of rage (which is a very common theme in my practice!) or feeling like we have let go of the end of our rope and are floating aimlessly, we need to acknowledge these limits and let self compassion buoy us. We have hard limits which are non negotiable- how much sleep we need, food, and validation. We can work on limits that can be changed like our reactions to slow drivers, people that cut us off, waiting in line at the grocery store. Recognizing that we have surpassed a limit and not berating ourselves is a starting point in fostering self compassion. We are not inept, "not working hard enough" or not capable- for most of us, we are exhausted. We are damn tired. Eclipsing our activity/work/parenting/break limit means that we need to understand we are in distress. We need to look upon ourselves with tender-heartedness. Acknowledging our limits, accepting them and especially allowing them to exist will help us turn towards our distress, our pain, our needs- and we need desperately to legitimize these boundaries.

 Emotions are so legitimate. Getting to name them, know them, understand the root of them may take time. We are human and will rupture relationships. We know that repair can strengthen bonds and that perfect doesn't exist in parenting. (It doesn't exist anywhere, so again: big breaths).   Softening towards ourselves, cutting ourselves some slack and "turning towards ourselves" will make us more compassionate not only in regard to  ourselves but towards those that we love as well. Let's drop the stories we have told ourselves about not being enough. Let's recognize how hard parenting is and support ourselves, our partners and our friends. A simple "I hear you" can change the way we walk through the world. Let's listen to ourselves, acknowledge our limits and engage ourselves with loving kindness. You are so worthy.

Consent Starts With Respecting The Tiniest of Humans

Consent is all over the news all of the time right now. Consent "starts at home" "is something we must teach our sons" " means we must teach our daughters that their bodies are theirs"- vernacular is everywhere. Here's where I am bothered most- we must not only model consent and explain what it is, we need to get our heads out of our asses and understand that it starts with us-in the way we treat our tiny humans.

I cannot tell you how many times I have heard "oh your baby won't feel the scalp clip" "your son won't remember his circumcision" "your body will heal from this episiotomy" and a million other things that denote this- we areconscious, aware human beings that do feel, that do remember, that sometimes don't heal; because we truly are not allowed to have body autonomy. We just aren't. We do not teach consciousness and respect for tiny humans. I know this from my experience with my first daughter and how the hospital treated me in my labour and I know it from the way I was treated by classmates in elementary school and I know it from the lack of education on consent at Frosh week and I know it by the constant barrage in our online lives and this-  in the world we do not as women feel safe to walk anywhere, at any time without threat. Fuck that noise. We do remember everything from our lives- as tiny humans it is embodied within us and our brains do what they need to do to help us cope and process the experience. We turn a blind eye to experience based on what we have been incorrectly taught. How many times have you heard "she's/he's just a baby....it doesn't matter" - well again, FUCK THAT NOISE! BECAUSE THEY ARE TINY HUMANS WE NEED TO BE MORE CAREFUL! ESPECIALLY CAREFUL, MINDFUL AND RESPECTFUL YOU ASSHOLES! Consent starts with them, with telling them what you are doing to and with their bodies, with talking to them and learning how to read what their faces, their noises, their expressions are telling us. Consent means giving them time to be understood, to be able to communicate in the ways they know how and to back the fuck off with our agendas for them. Our agendas projected onto others cause wars, people.  Aren't agendas the very things that define rape culture? Aren't the beliefs that fuel agendas the curriculum that perpetuates misogynistic and disrespectful behaviours?

We need to teach consent by being respectful and advocating for respectful practices for everyone. It starts with us. It has to change. What is happening right now is not working at all. With all of the new research on our brains, on trauma, on how warped our social values and mores are-we know there are ways to change this. Deprogramming cultural and religious beliefs, working on our own hurts so they don't become generational trauma and for shit's sake simple (although they are not that simple!) things such as stopping the practices of  passing around a newborn for everyone to hold and making your child hug a relative they don't feel like hugging are starts. Small starts. Learn about social coherence. Learn how to examine your biases. Learn that you have so much power to cause so much harm because you are doing "what's always been done."

The Growth of A Mother

We read so much about the development and growth of our tiny humans before and after we give birth. Millenials are bombarded with all kinds of information in the age of digital, internet, expert, "guru" connection. How much they should pee, how they should grow, milestones, leaps, wonder weeks, the best wrap/carrier, the carseat they should be in- it all makes your head spin. 

I feel that there is more pressure on this generation of parents than any other. This generation is expected to know more, expected to do more, expected to be more. What I am hearing from my work with this generation is that more and more women feel that they are falling short. They feel afraid that they are not measuring up, not "doing it right" and certainly not fulfilling the roles that the women who came before them did. Understanding the information that is out there at our fingertips is overwhelming. Discerning what works best for our families is daunting. The preparation for the growth that we will go through as Mamas is NON EXISTENT. Really, it is not out there. 

Where are our guideposts for this huge life change? How do we measure our feelings, our fears, our growth? Is it possible to normalize our experiences, to find some semblance of grace in our perceived short comings as a Mama? I believe it is. It takes bravery, hard truth and trust. To trust in ourselves is perhaps the biggest challenge we face in our course of development. To understand that what works best for us can simply be the answer. Every aspect of our lives will come into question once we are birthed as Mothers. So much of what we have been conditioned to believe in our own upbringing will ripple through our interactions with our tiny humans and will lay us bare. Our own attachment style, the way our brains are wired with our life experiences will determine how we move through becoming a Mama. This is imperative information for our journey through Motherhood. It is essential knowledge for our co-parenting relationship. What we bring to the table as far as our abilities to negotiate are concerned depends on our attachment style. This very basic information will help us understand not only what we are capable of, it will help us heal the chasms within us as we grow alongside our children.

Infants attach to their parents in their first few years of life. Adults bond with their children and with their partners. Having a child is a prime time to deepen the connection with our partner. Most couples do not know this let alone understand it. The journey of parenting is hard! Transparency in our experiences is not a common practice. We are afraid to say how difficult parenting is for as many reasons as there are shades of blue. The experience of parenting is at times an example of how you don't need water to feel like you are drowning. Moving through the waves of sleepless nights, decreased communication, ruptured connection with your partner and the bone weary exhaustion of being "on" 24/7 is enough for anyone to be dragged out by the undertow. We feel stunted by our experiences. Sometimes it lasts for days, sometimes it feels like it never ends. Normalizing the rigors of growth is hard to hear, for we so often doubt our own experiences and truly believe that in this isolation of our thoughts, we must be the only one going through this. 

The growth is in the hardest of days. The growth of our spirits, our psyches, our souls and  our self-awareness occurs when we just.feel.like.we.can't. go.on. The growth is knowing that we can do hard things- we can sit with our babies as they have tests performed on them, we can wait for the diagnosis from the Doctor, we can change the sheets for the fifth time in four hours, we can get up and get on the hamster wheel of meeting everyone's needs before our own. We try to implement the "self care" buzzword that everyone talks about, we attempt to "fill our tanks" so we can in turn take care of our family, we plan for "girls night out" for that break that will help us restore our sanity, our psyche, our relationship. And sometimes, all of this feels like one more thing to do in our already stretched thin, over scheduled, under thought out day to day. But...and it's a big one....looking after ourselves is necessary. It is how we develop, grow and flourish. We are ever changing, ever seeking, ever connecting. We are hard wired for connection and growth and for the most part, I fully believe that this need is to connect with ourselves. To truly reveal ourselves and connect with our hurts, our wants, our desires and our needs. Mothering is not a faint of heart endeavour. It is, I feel, an experience in which you are blown apart and mended back together again in a wholly new molecular fashion. Yes, physiologically our cells change. Those tiny humans that we carry within us leave traces of their very DNA within our bodies. The stress hormones of Mothering alter our cells, our spirits, our beliefs. The immense love that we experience in our bonding with our tiny humans launches us into a brand new stratosphere of what it feels like to have your heart nearly burst. The sheet on the floor moments where we think we are losing our minds bring us to the brink of never returning- and we grow. We grow stronger as we get more sleep. We grow resilient as we trust that we know what is best for our children. Not only do our hearts literally grow in size in our pregnancies, the capacity to love as we bring another child earthside causes cellular change in every part of our bodies. 

The ebb and flow of of the growth of a Mother is not linear. We need periods of contraction as well. There are times we need to shrink down, curl up and be taken care of in order to continue to grow. Pruning our activities, our scheduling, our feelings of "not enough" ness and sitting in the difficult moments, days and years will always promote growth. Grieving is an integral part of growth as well- for the life we had BK (before kids) - the love life, the free time, the cash flow, the body, the job, the travel, the experiences- and cherished, we tuck them away in our hearts and know that they have shaped us and showed us what was truly important, really meaningful and what was fodder. We move forward with our experiences and some days step back into what we wish we had. And that's okay. An important part of Mothering is feeling 3, 5, 20 different things all at once and not harbouring the slightest shred of guilt for that. Our relative experiences, our families of origin, our hurts and hardships have shaped us in every aspect and have brought us to where we are now. Stepping forward, back, sideways and not stepping at all are par for the course in this growth as a Mother. There is no race, no "right way" no such thing as being "mother enough". There is you, your family and your knowledge that brought you here. There is healthy striving instead of perfection, there is no such thing, truly, as competition and there are no guarantees. It is hard. Full stop. And you can do it- and some days you won't. That too, is okay. Know there is growth- so much growth. Know you are just what your tiny humans need. Know that shaming helps no one and that there really is no collapse in parenting. You are on your path like millions of others and it will be way laid with pitfalls, quicksand, roadblocks and heartache. We all learn and grow, heal and grieve, weep and laugh, and to share this journey and speak the truth about it is a huge growth spurt for everyone. It is hard, and we can do it. 

BraveHeart Mama Online Coaching Program

Our BraveHeart Mama Coaching program launches next Monday February 15th for six months. Each day in our interactive forum we will share safe space to discuss how we are really feeling as Mamas. We will really deconstruct our needs...our triggers for communication with our partners, our "default maps" for what we feel is behaviour that gets us "stuck" and how we can better take care of what we really need.

"Self-care" is a huge buzzword right now and we will certainly discuss self-care. What we will spend more time on is self-compassion- how to navigate true self love no matter what happens to us as Mamas. Once we fully understand self-compassion we can move into self-care without shame or guilt. 

Dismantling "Mama guilt" in all of its various forms will be a big part of the work we do together. Generational messaging, learned behaviour and vulnerability will be big topics for us to navigate together because we all know that we struggle with these topics- we want to remove the isolation we feel as we each suffer in what we feel is silence. 

Every other month we will have a meet up with those who can attend.  A celebration of who we are, what we are achieving and a time to fill up our emotional tanks. 

The program registration is now open. Each participant will also receive free enrollment in the parenting class of your choice. The fee is $200.00. Email Carol at kilty67@sympatico.ca to register. xoxo

Oh Tiny Human, The World Is So Big

Oh tiny human how I worry for you in this great big world.

I worry that your tininess will leave you vulnerable to all that is bad. I worry that my newness as the human that gave birth to you will be too tiny too. 

I struggle with the responsibility of keeping you alive because I really don't know what I am doing. 

I worry about you growing up in this world and as you grow and get bigger my role in your life will become smaller....and we just met! 

I feel that this tiredness (oh this tiredness...it is in my very bones!) won't let me be as big as I want to be in your world. I fear that this tiredness will blur my mind, make me forget and I will miss out with you.

The bigness of every day overwhelms me. There is so much to do for such a tiny human. 

Your tininess requires so much of me. I love it, I do. I too feel tiny in the vastness of this parenthood. 

Parenthood is so.very.big. So unknown. Such a responsibility. I don't want to keep your thoughts, your feelings, your needs small. I want your fierceness, your needs, your cries to be big. I want to feel comfortable knowing that I won't always feel tiny in my response to your needs. I want to grow into this new space I am occupying as the one who birthed you. 

Right now I will celebrate your tininess as you sleep in my arms. Your eyelashes lie against your cheeks and your body is heavy. It is in these moments I feel like I can take up all the space I need to protect you. I have met your needs and you are safe in the comfort of my arms, the warmth of my body and my enormous love for you. In this big world I want to be the soft place you land and the firm foundation from which you launch yourself, taking up all the space you need to as you go. It won't be easy, tiny human. We have much to learn from each other and in these moments of peace I am grateful for the vastness of the world and the tiny little part of that our family inhabits. I will let the big, hot tears of my love for you cleanse the fear in my heart and soul. For right now, this moment is all that matters. 

BraveHeart Parent Coaching annual holiday offer....by far this is the best one yet!

Our Parent Education and Coaching program has grown immensely over these past two years! We are very excited to offer it again this year....and it is better than ever! We will offer two packages this year and each one will include a once a week meeting/phone call/skype and email support PLUS a class enrollment for you and your partner. You can choose Parenting On The Same Page, Parenting In Peace, Calm Mum or one of our new classes to be announced later this week.  Here are this year's offers:

3 months of coaching- 12 meetings/phone calls/skype calls  and email support and a class registration for $350- less than half price! 

THE BEST OFFER- ONE WHOLE YEAR OF PARENT COACHING AND EDUCATION FOR $750.00! 52 MEETINGS/PHONE CALLS/SKYPE CALLS AND A CLASS REGISTRATION! THIS IS AN 80% SAVINGS! 

This offer is valid until December 31st 2015. 

To register for either of our coaching packages, email Carol at kilty67@sympatico.ca.

Parenting On The Periphery

I have parented for 25 years. Parenting was easy for me to fall into. Parenthood was not. I loved the day to day of breastfeeding, changing diapers, cuddling and bed sharing. Infants gave way to toddlers and the endless putting out of fires, huge emotions and major developmental growth.

School age children meant navigating interactions with different families, different schedules and a new level of exhaustion. Balancing work, my workload at home and the new struggles of parenthood meant really unearthing how I had and continued to parent my children. It meant looking at my own issues while my partner looked at his. We then had to meet in the middle- his career changes, the evolution of mine and the day to day support of three tiny humans as they began to navigate their world outside of the family home.

I loved the days when I knew they were safe. All home for dinner, all tucked up in bed after stories and kisses. I loved hearing about their escapades on the playground, the soccer field and at birthday parties. I hated the heartache of bullying, exclusion and the pressures of performing well that school placed upon them. Each day was a chance to cultivate their internal landscape by holding space for their emotions and loving them unconditionally. Reminding them that they were not their achievements on a daily basis became second nature. By the time they reached high school I began to feel it. I felt the gentle pulling away from us as they began to make bigger decisions, venture further from home and get into cars driven by their slightly older friends. Kisses and stories at night turned into texts of "I love you, have fun and do you have a key?" Later bedtimes for them meant attuned listening from their Dad and myself....car doors closing, lights being switched off and tip toes downstairs to count the shoes at the door. We too would fall asleep later and go over who had to be driven where to work, who needed picked up at what time and how would we get them to Driver's Ed while managing our work schedules. Parenthood is a juggling act...dividing and conquering, feeling the pull away and managing the ever changing demands of the bigger and bigger life decisions. In the midst of this juggling act, coming back together as partners is imperative. I am a firm believer that we grow up right alongside our children. Like children, we all grow at different rates. What we can hope to do is parent on the periphery...and be okay with that.

As my youngest two children prepare to enter their last year of post secondary education I am fully cognizant of what is once again changing. I feel like my partner and I have active parenting intervals....we are sounding boards, launching pads, and yes, we still get night time cuddles. I have forgone many invites because this last year of having them all home is so.very.precious. I am perplexed by the lightning speed I have travelled to arrive at this point. Between work, school and their own relationships, we are part time parents. We now are figuring out this "parenthood." What we know for sure is this: loving them unconditionally is our job. It is not their job to love us. We have to keep showing up for them. We want to always be in their lives...so we have to continue working on ourselves and continue to grow as human beings. We know that you never "arrive" in parenting or parenthood. Call it what you will- a journey, a discovery, a path...once you arrive on the periphery, your heart will break open.

You are left with memories- good, beautiful and bad ones. You soften, you lean in to your own vulnerability and you give thanks. You are grateful to have had the honour of sharing space with and holding space for your biggest life lessons. Yes, it hurts to think of the nest being empty. I am already planning dinners when they will all come back home and we can catch up. I figure I will learn how to facetime just to see their beautiful faces and hear of their new adventures. Each day the pull away gets stronger. We are excited for them. We will still worry about them. We trust them implicitly. We are stocking up on Kleenex. We are ever so grateful and will be ever so lost without them in our daily lives. We will stay on the periphery and learn how to be comfortable there.... watching them grow and loving them all the more from that wee bit farther away.

Parenting On The Same Page! July 12 12-3 pm

• Do you parent with a sense of calm and security?
• Do you want more ease in your parenting?
• Would you like to see your awareness of your children deepen?
• Do you react as a parent instead of responding?
• Do you need to form a united front with your partner to promote a less stressful environment for you and your children?

Parenting On The Same Page, an innovative workshop will help you get there. Understand yourself, your filters for parenting and how to best trust your parental instincts – all in sync with your partner. Help create a loving, safe, secure and more at ease home life for you and your family.

Class Fee: $100 / couple

Sunday July 12, 2015 from 12-3pm. Email Carol at kilty67@sympatico.ca

Our classes are all held at our centre, 1124 Gainsborough Rd., unit 10 at the back.

We Get To Be The One Who Holds The Reigns On Our Lives

In the last month or so I have been invited into much larger arenas to present parent education and training in corporate and educational  settings. In these much larger groups it is crucial to understand not only the "issues" which the parents are struggling to navigate with their children, but what is "triggering" the parents.

Most of our struggles with our children tend to have our stories that we have formulated attached to them. Saying "my kids know how to push my buttons" really does need to be re-framed. If I ask a parent to tell me the facts, they tend to halt- and really think about it. Generally they will say "well, my child is really testing my boundaries." This re-frame is not really a re-frame at all. It is another story. What we need to get to is the facts. The facts are not comfortable for two reasons: 1) we feel like it is too simple and 2) we cannot have OUR story attached to the facts.

Facts hold us accountable. Facts re-iterate what we see in front of us. Facts pare down the event, interaction, incident to what it really is. From there, we can deal with the situation without attaching our emotionality to it. That emotionality may be residual from our own experiences as a child and this is what we need to work on most of all. Not being allowed to express emotionality and have it supported as a child leaves us with no modelling for our own children. Reflecting the facts allows us to learn about ourselves and support our children at the same time. Reflecting the facts leads to responsive instead of reactive parenting. When we are responsive, we are much more gentle with ourselves and we open up a portal for self-compassion which in turn fosters less judgement on everyone we engage with. We realize we hold the reigns on our lives and we can work through our triggers.

Watching a large group of people grasp the concept of responsive parenting is a beautiful experience. The follow up I have had with group members really opens up the realization that change truly can happen....and that it can start with us. It takes support, practice and patience to drop the story and reflect the facts and when we do the reigns feel like we are navigating a comfortable, safe canter through life instead of a tight, out of control gallop which can turn into being thrown off the horse.

With much love,

Carol xoxo

Parenting Tweens and Teens: How to Really be "There" As a Parent

Today our children are expected to do, be and perform so much better than any of us did! What our children need is a strong foundation and firm support system as they navigate the turbulent years into adulthood. Unfortunately, most of us are ill equipped to handle the transitions and life changes our tweens and teens have to make. This class will be presented in a four hour format and will help you discern:

What is developmentally and emotionally appropriate behaviour (for our children and us!)

How do we handle discipline and behaviour?

Are our expectations for our children different than what we have for ourselves?

What exactly are we modelling for our children?

What do our children REALLY need from us in this turbulent time in their lives?

Why is this time period so turbulent?

What should we be focusing on with our children? How does focusing solely on their behaviour affect our relationship?

This class will come with a one hour parent coaching follow up for parents.

Cost $100 for two adults (you can bring your partner or adult of your choice)

Saturday, June 6th, 12-4pm

Email Carol at kilty67@sympatico.ca to register

When Death Affects Birth: Loss Certificate Program For Birth Workers

As birth workers we will encounter all kinds of loss during our support of families in the childbearing years. Loss, in all of its forms has a huge emotional impact on the work we do. This four day certificate program focuses on every aspect of loss encountered by birth workers and the families they work with. Facilitated by Melissa Krawecki, loss support provider and parent educator as well as Carol Peat, a birth worker for over 20 years as well as a parent educator. This four day certificate program will include home study and a final exam. The four days curriculum is as follows:

Supporting Families Through Infant Loss:
 

From miscarriage through gestational loss and infant loss the trauma to childbearing women and their families is devastating. This whole day curriculum will focus on understanding how to be present with families at their time of loss. The emotional, psychological and physical impacts of loss will be covered as well as how to aid your clients in this time. We will also discuss the impacts of loss on birth workers and implement care and resources for birth workers affected by loss. Tuesday July 7, 10am-3pm

Supporting Motherless Mothers:
 

Supporting a childbearing woman who has experienced the loss of her own Mother is typically not a topic covered in birth worker training. This full day curriculum will explore the transition to motherhood for Motherless Mothers and how they navigate pregnancy and childbirth without the support and love of their own Mothers. The postpartum period and the effects of not having a Mother in a woman's life are so far reaching and we are so unequipped to support these women. This workshop will give you the tools to be compassionate and help women go through loss all over again as they navigate motherhood.  Tuesday August 11, 10am-3pm

When Death Affects Your Own Family As a Birth Worker
 

The death of someone close to us as birth workers inevitably will happen and having the tools to deal with it are crucial. This one day workshop will explore how loss affects our abilities to fully be present at a birth, how to discuss our losses with our clients and how to fulfill our family, partner and client roles when loss pervades our work. Sunday September 13th, 10am-3pm

Life Loss and Birth Work

Our clients will suffer many types of loss in their childbearing years- marital loss, familial loss, loss of a home, loss of family moving away and other day to day losses. Helping our clients through loss of this kind and providing them with essential resources will be discussed in this one day workshop. The emotional aspects of shame, families of origin and their affects on resiliency will also be discussed in this one day workshop. Tuesday September 29th, 10am-3pm

This is a four day certificate program and attendance at all four days is necessary for the completion certificate. The fee is $425.00 with an early bird discount price  of $400.00 for registration by May 30th. To register, email Melissa at melissa.krawecki@gmail.com

Jessica's VBAC Story

When I was pregnant with my first child, I didn’t really give the actual experience of birth enough thought. Sure, I took the courses, I talked about wanting a natural birth, and I was lucky enough to have amazing midwives. When it came down to it though, I avoided really thinking about what giving birth would actually be like – I was scared, so I avoided reality. 

Needless to say, my birth didn’t go as planned. I was induced at 40 weeks +3 days due to polyhydramnios, a condition that causes too much amniotic fluid to build up around the baby. My son’s head was still quite high in my pelvis, and he was posterior - facing the wrong way - so I started the long process of labour with back labour. I opted for the epidural only an hour after arriving at the hospital due to fear and the relentless back pain. After 22 hours of no progression and intense pain in my pelvis and hips, I had a c-section. The OB who performed my section told me that my pelvis was too small for me to have had a vaginal birth, so the section was “inevitable anyways.” I was immediately in Love with my son, but the recovery was longer than I expected, and my first weeks of motherhood were not the rosy glow of happiness that I had envisioned. The hospital stay was long, sleep deprivation was overwhelming, breastfeeding was difficult, and all movement hurt.  

After watching my first birth experience go downhill, birth and everything surrounding it became fascinating to me – it was a world in which I wanted to be more involved. For the birth of my second child I knew things had to be different. Before getting pregnant, my husband and I took the VBAC class through Babies Naturally, and I asked Carol to be my labour support when I did get pregnant. I read books upon books about VBAC and natural birth, immersed myself in videos and blogs, and surrounded myself with likeminded people. When the happy day arrived and I saw that pink plus sign on the pregnancy test, I was determined that I would not have another c-section without giving a vaginal birth my best shot.  

38, 39 and 40 Weeks came and went, and my midwives were beginning to talk about induction – an intervention I wanted to avoid at all costs, as I knew it would trigger fear and doubt.  At 40 weeks they felt my stomach they told me that baby was still floating high in my pelvis, and that birth was probably still a ways off. I was getting discouraged, and doubt was beginning to creep in - Maybe I wasn’t capable of going into labour on my own, maybe my pelvis really was just too small to do this, maybe I should just give in and have the section, what was the point?  

Thank God for Carol. I sent her multiple text messages a day expressing my doubts and fears, and she always came back to be with reassurance and positivity. She gave me exercises to try and helped me to remain focused on my goal. At 40 weeks and 3 days, exactly the same time I was induced with my first, I woke up at 2:30am with contractions. I wasn’t sure what I was feeling at first, as I hadn’t gone into labour on my own with my son and had never felt a normal contraction. They came about every 15 minutes and after about 45 minutes I decided to get up and go downstairs because lying down hurt too much, and my adrenalin was pumping from the excitement.  At 4am I texted Carol to let her know that the contractions were coming about every 5-8 minutes and that they were gaining in intensity. By 5 I could no longer stay quiet through them and called Carol to have her come over. She arrived and immediately I felt calmer – I had someone with me who had experienced this before and knew how to walk me through each contraction. We left for the hospital around 7am because the contractions were less than 5 minutes apart and I was feeling a lot of pressure. The car ride sucked – wow did it suck! But we made it and were able to skip triage and go right into a room.  

My midwife checked me and I was only 3cm – so discouraging. Even after all of my reading, my training, and my planning, the pain was intense and I wanted to escape it. I asked for the epidural immediately but Carol, my midwives, and my husband convinced me to get into the tub for a while to labour there. The warm water and the jets were helpful, and my husband had the showerhead spraying hot water on my back. I laboured there for about an hour and a half before I started pushing, and really asking for the epidural. My contractions were double peaking, which means that baby was in a bad position, and it was getting more difficult to cope.  

Because I was starting to push involuntarily, we decided I should get out of the tub and see how far along I was. I asked for the epidural one last time and it was ordered. I tried the gas while I waited for the epidural, because I wasn’t comfortable enough to let my midwife check me. As the epidural was being placed I began pushing again and we discovered that I was 10cm and ready to deliver. My son was still quite high in my pelvis unfortunately. He had turned posterior and was showing signs of stress. We had an OB come in to help and to monitor my son’s heart rate. The type of epidural I had allowed me to have some use of my legs, so I was able to get into different positions to allow gravity move my son down.  He was a compound presentation, meaning his hand was up beside his face so pushing was extremely hard work. I was scared, in pain, and exhausted, but the people I surrounded myself with were my anchors and with their help I was able to push myself to keep going. 

After 2.5 difficult hours of pushing, an episiotomy, and many ups and downs, my son Simon came tumbling out and was immediately placed on my chest.  The feeling was indescribable. All of the pain, fear and exhaustion were gone. The intense rush of emotion that overcame me as I held my son, so fresh and new against my chest, was overpowering and unlike anything I’d ever experienced. Through the pain, the fear, and the doubt, I discovered a power within myself I didn’t know existed. That feeling alone made the VBAC worthwhile. I was finally able to have the birth experience I had wished for – a vaginal birth with immediate skin to skin contact, delayed cord clamping, and breast feeding right after birth. While I have come to terms with my section with my first son, and look back at his birth fondly now, I am so thankful that I was able to have my VBAC and experience the birth I had always wanted.  

May You Find Comfort

At a very hectic time of year we here at BraveHeart Parenting and Babies Naturally hope you may find comfort. May you find comfort in the time you do get to slow down and savour a sacred breath. May you find comfort in the hearts and faces of your children as they anticipate the glee of what you are celebrating. Let there be comfort in the time off work and may you feel there is a moment to truly connect with yourself. If you have suffered loss this year, may you find comfort in memories, speaking the name of your loved ones and holding those who have supported you close.

If your home life has been difficult this year and you feel like your relationship is not where you need it to be, may you find comfort in the truth of raising children...you can lose yourself and feel like you are losing your partner. This is so hard. May you find comfort knowing that most couples go through this...and most find themselves and each other again. It will not look like the idea in your head of  bliss- may you find comfort in knowing that you have both changed and grown. Give yourselves time to remember why you found each other in the first place. Remember to love yourself. Being gentle with yourself will naturally foster gentleness for others. We have all been there and it is imperative to give yourself gentle daily reminders to be good to yourself.  

One of my favourite mantras is "I am humanly imperfect and deserve love."  Start with loving yourself. Find comfort in the wonder that you are. Drop the story you have attached to you. Drop the story of those around you. May you find comfort in starting with you.

May the comfort you need find you. That is our wish for you as this year wraps up and a new one begins.

With much love,

The BraveHeart Parenting and Babies Naturally crews.

I Am At Home with my Child(ren) or am not - and I am not ready for the holidays!

Every year I feel the roller coaster that is the holidays. I am excited with the idea of the time off, the rest, the festivities, the sparkly lights, the sounds and tastes. Then, just around this time, the week before - I feel desolate.

The desolation sets in as I realize that there are so many expectations around this time of year. Friends and family say "just relax and enjoy it" yet still demand "it's so important to see you at this time of year!" and for me, it is way too much. Having 2 and sometimes 3 full time university/working adult children at home keeps me busy. Yep, I said busy. Yes, they are self-sufficient, yes they are contributors to every aspect of the household, yes they are aware of what the holidays entail. Yes, I love the crap out of them and do not want them to leave home! Families are a blessing, of course they are. But let's get real....living with other humans in a symbiotic relationship is not always easy. Finding homeostasis is tricky.Having children at home with you at ANY AGE is busy. Epic busy.

It never fails every year when someone asks "Are you ready for the holidays?" My answer is always "NO" and I silently add a "motherfucker" under my breath because:

1.) Really, who cares if you are ready? Are they going to meal plan, shop, cook and do my laundry so I can wrap the perfect co-ordinating ribbon glistered presents?

2.) Are they going to advise me on ways to get ready? Are they going to take over my work load so I can "get ready?"

One person's "ready" could be another person's "omg I have done nothing for this!"  My locked and loaded preparations could be another's woefully unprepared. Because working full time with children or being home full time with a child(ren) are equally busy. Yep, busier than anything I know of. Adjusting to gearing down from work to give birth, meet someone for the first time and then care for them for a year is mentally and emotionally disarming. Bearing witness as adult children make MASSIVE decisions about life and you prepare to be an empty nester is insane!  The machine that is the holidays doesn't give a shit about your extended family dynamics and the dysfunction that perpetuates year after year. Nope, it seems the collective consciousness is that "everybody is supposed to  have fun at this time of year" and that if you are at home with children you should definitely be ready.

I truly wish that I could believe that most people have all other humans best interests at heart. We all know this is not true. Extremists take people hostage in chocolate cafes and ex service men go on killing sprees. Most people talk just to say something. Shallow, surface shit. Like asking you if you are ready for the holidays. Because honestly, what difference will it make in their life if you are or are not ready for the holidays? Exactly. It won't make a damn difference.

What about talking about the important events that are not fleeting? What if you could check your ego at the door and really stop....look someone in the eye and ask them how they really are? What if we all could just cut the surface shit and say "Hey, I am here to hold space for you. I want you to feel safe, to tell me how you feel and let you know I am right here?"  What difference would that make to your life and theirs? Personally, I know it makes a HUGE difference! 

Let's make a deal...I won't ask you if you are ready for the holidays and don't ask me. I have no clue what the holidays mean to you and I don't want to add any more stress to you as a human being. I don't want you to think you "should" be ready. Do you know what I want to know? I really want to know HOW you are. How has this year treated you? Is there anything I can do to help you? How are you feeling being  on maternity leave? Did you ever get the chance to talk about how REALLY HARD it is to be fully responsible for keeping a baby alive?  Did anyone ever mention that everything about you feels different when you have had a baby? 

Don Miguel Ruiz states in one of his four agreements that "everyone else's opinion of you is none of your business."  For each of us to adhere to this we need to understand that asking ridiculous questions like "are you ready for the holidays" is hollow. It is ego-judgement based. Like it or not, people humans judge. They do that better than anything else, sadly. Yup, our number one job as humans is to judge others. Even the ones we love. Let's stop with the silly questions. It is none of our business if someone else is ready for the holidays, ready to be parents, ready to get divorced, is still breastfeeding, has chosen to bottle feed or what school they do or do not send their kids to. None of our business. You are not a nice person because you ask questions.  Because it is all just judgement if we have anything at all to say about it. I for one, have enough stuff going on in my own life that being up in someone else's business would drain the living crap right out of me. I will hold space for you and listen...because that kind of connection charges me right up. Idle chatter, the folly of fools, does not interest me.

Do what you need to do at this time of year. If you need me, I will be here. If you want to talk about how it drives you crazy, I am your girl. I get it. Chances are, you too are in love with the idea of the holidays. Perhaps, like me, you are not so crazy about everybody's need to know something that really does not matter to them at all. Let's all just take a big breath and know that what matters most to you is all that REALLY matters. Every day. Not just the holidays. Let's strive to be what we need to be to the people we love most. And that means you too, Mamas. Just be.

With much love,

Carol xoxo

BraveHeart Mama Coaching Program: Being Alright With You, As You Are Right Now

We are so very excited about our BraveHeart Mama coaching program. This program has been in the works for a year and we have worked really hard to package it for you so that it is sustainable, enjoyable, educational, affordable, practical and will help you in every aspect as a Mama.

Our program will run for six months. There will be an online forum and weekly "belly fire" activities. We will meet face to face as a group and provide shelter for each other as well as support, encouragement, sharing and a safe space to vent!

Each day, you will receive an email with a theme- some of the themes will be about excavating your authentic self, how to handle the stress of the day to day, life hacks for things like meal preparation, time management and pressure valves. We will also delve into how our pasts are affecting our day to day lives and what that looks like. Each month our meeting will have a theme and a chance to process events that have come up. There will be phone and email support available to each participant in the program and a free enrollment in any of our parenting classes.

Our desired outcomes for the program are:

A more clear sense of self

Deeper connection to partners and children

Setting boundaries of self-respect

Letting Go of what no longer serves us

What kind of growth do you need and want to see?

One Mama will win the program in our BraveHeart parenting giveaway! Registration opens for the program on December 16th and is open to 15 Mamas. The regular fee for the program is $500.00 but we will offer to 15 Mamas for $300...and again you also get a class registration for free over the next year.

The program was inspired by our daily work with Mamas and a quote by Emily Dickinson-

"and I am out with lanterns, looking for myself."    We know that we often feel so changed by becoming Mamas and that sometimes we feel we lose our own identity...we want to help you come back to yourself as you occupy this new space in the world as a Mama.

With much love,

BraveHeart Parenting

xox0

To register for the program starting tomorrow, email Carol at kilty67@sympatico.ca (and we do have gift certificates!) xo

Are You Parenting Out of Fear?

Fear based parenting is built on power, control and attaching a story to your child. Braveheart Parenting is based on mutual respect, validation, acknowledgement and unconditional love. So many parents that we work with approach us for help because they feel that their child is "a problem" based on their behaviour. 100% of these parents feel completely different about their children once we help them understand what is appropriate developmental behaviour.

For many parents, the engrained power struggle between themselves and their child(ren) is so deeply rooted that they do not recognize that power is what is wielded in order to exact behaviour.

Time outs, shaming and "reward" systems are all based on extrinsic behaviour. The innate problem with this type of discipline is that the intrinsic emotions of the child that are causing the "problem" behaviour is doing nothing to address what the child is feeling.

Feelings and emotions are often too big for children. Children's behaviour is usually a mirror reflection of what we are projecting, so the so called "issues" with our children are actually due to our reactions to them...and the fact that we are not responding. To respond to a child means we are in tune with their emotionality and we have a capacity for expansiveness. To be expansive means that we are allowing our own reactionary parenting and beliefs to take a back seat to the preservation of the relationship. If we are respectful of our child's feelings and hold space for them, we are their soft spot upon which they can land. 

Being able to hold space for our children deepens our attachment to them. Healing our own wounds and core beliefs about ourselves will deepen our capacity for expansiveness. Self-compassion is much easier to come by if we are loving to others. All of our parent coaching clients tell us they feel better about themselves when they change the way they are with their children. Our children are worth deeper investigation. Power and control parenting is never the way to go. Your ways can be changed, you can provide the repair and heal the damage in your relationship with your child. We can help. Each year we have a holiday parent coaching special. We have already had a great response and encourage you to consider our coaching programs. Our new six month offer for this year is the best ever! Read down to the end to see what it is.....

Over the past few years we have offered our Parent Coaching Programs at 50% off and this year we are offering you more!

 Here are the details for last year - read on to see the difference in this year's offer!

For one month $500  now $250 four consults and email and phone support

For two months $950  now $475... eight consults and email and phone support

For three months $1400  now $700.. 12 consults and email and phone support

For six months $2500 now $1250....24 consults  and email and phone support

This year we are offering six months of support for $750.00!!!!

You can absolutely take advantage of our offers from the last few years, or partake in this year's offer.  If you are local, we will meet you one on one in our office or your home and then schedule 24 follow up consults by phone over the six months. Each phone call will be an hour in length and we will offer email support as well. You will also get another offer for free! When you enrol in our Parent Coaching Program you and your partner attend our Parenting On The Same Page, Keeping Your Cool When Parenting or Calm Mum class for no additional cost.

To enroll in our Parent Coaching program, please contact us.